Putting the "Good Humor" Train back on track.

Alright, so tensions are high at work (understatement). We recieved an email lecturing us on twirling our keys in the building... so I'm going to do my part to combat this Downward Spiral we're in. This Petty Hate Machine must be stopped. I believe I have the Perfect Drug to cure what ails us. I need to bring us all Closer together... alright I'm done.

Let me tell you about Ralph Nader for President. A loving customer sent this flier to us and I feel the need to highlight parts of it for my devotees:

"Bush = Corporate Republican; Kerry = Corporate Democrat"
"Military Vaccines are Weapons of Mass Desturesion,
Vaccines Caused Gulf War Synd."
"Corporate Druge Companies Own Washington"
"Vaccines CAUSE: Cancer(s), Diabetes, & other Diseases!
(mothering.com #105)"

So yeah, there you have it folks. Just remember this slogan...
"Bush and Kerry make me wanna RALPH!"

Now for todays topic of discussion, I'm gonna dip into the Josh Ryder Standards and pull out this one: If you could have ANY super power, what would it be? and why?
It could be anything. The best answer I've ever heard is "The power of musical theatre." So that the person could snap his fingers and everyone around him would break out into song and dance. Awesome if you ask me...

Corporate Hypocrisy

Never, ever leave school. Here's my suggestion: Major in Everything. Or if your parents aren't down with that, just keep switching your majors and you, in theory, could get to the point where if you can't take anymore classes without getting a degree in something. Let me tell you what sucks - Impersonal management. I'm talking about bosses who, will make a point to yell at you for taking an hour break (when it supposed to be 15 minutes), when they know damn well that you were back on time and just forgot to clock back in. Bosses who, if they have information that is "less than pleasant" for you, will wait until after you leave the office and then send an email as opposed to having to talk to you in person.

* ENTER HYPOCRISY*

And then they can't understand why none of their employees want to attend an afterwards "Recognition Dinner" or participate in a "Fun Pumpkin Contest." Want to know why no one gives a care about your fun little things? Because they're hollow and insincere. Because you make such an effort to be impersonal, you're as transparent as plastic wrap and none of us are buying your crap.

Whew... ok, feel better now. Sorry, I had to sit through a long Venting-Session/Meeting today. Hmm.... gotta lighten this up... Oh! Here's a joke from Phil:

Why did Tigger have his head in the toliet?
He was lookin' for Pooh!

And I'm out like the deaf kid in musical chairs.

Webcomics and PimpSlaps

Alright, so today is gonna be fun link day! Why, Cause I've been doing the data entry end of things today and haven't had a lot of social interaction. Just me... and my computer... like always... man I'm pathetic. But I did manage to find a webcomic that I used to read frequently. Its not as good as Homestar Runner (Child-safe, check out the Strong Bad Emails) or Foamy (Vulgar, watch "Fatkins Diet"). Actually, its not even animated - it's like oldschool and stuff. But the basic storyline is that this lazy college kids talks Death into starting a dot-com, and the kid would help get him started in exchange for prolonging his life. It's called The Grim DotCom, and you should all check it out, and know that I think it's hilarious!

Let's see... oh yeah, PimpSlaps. A guy at work showed me this today. And its entertaining for like 27 seconds. Try and get a "10." Slap The Candidate

Have Fun!

Bush Lied, 1099 Soldiers Died

So the mailers we send out have self addressed, postage paid envelopes included. The intention is that the customer will be more likely to send back our application and we get more money. Sometimes customers have "better ideas." As in the subject of this post. We recieved an empty envelope back today, with that message scrawled across the back in red marker. The Return Address said:

Dick Cheney
Is a Liar
Somewhere, NJ 12345

We get all kindsa interesting stuff in the mail. Just today we've got cut up Sears Ads, a Pamphlet reading "Do all roads really lead to God?" and a pamphlet entitled "Concieved by Rape" (some anti-abortion thing). Ahh... still 2,500 more mailers to open, I'm REALLY looking forward to this.

On a side note, we got in a discussion concerning disney characters today... I made the statement that Jasmine was possibly the hottest disney character ever, with only Ariel a contender. To which Kim responded: "Jasmine's a hussy, and Ariel has fake boobs..." There you have it my loyal readers... Discuss.

"American Water Resources, How may I help you?"

Alright, I've done it. I officially feel like a 13 year old girl... feel the urge to download ICQ and hang out in chat rooms. But here's my justification: I maintain this blog at work. That's right, when I should be doing important type things, I am instead going to be blogging. How freakin' sweet is that. That's right TimmyTapeworm, I get PAID while working on my blog. We'll see how well I keep this up, but here's what you all can do to keep me honest - annoy the hell outta me when I forget to post. Also, I need you all to comment, every time, every post, or else I'll get bored with this and quit real quick. There, you have your orders...

So what's happened at work today? Well, They're currently "expanding" and the area where the 30 of use who work for the Water/Sewer Line Protection Progam branch of the Water Company are homeless. We live in a trailer outside of the main building, and it blows. It stinks too - 30 people in the ol' double wide castle is in violation of more health codes than I'd like to recognize.

Today, we actually overflowed however, and 4 of us got bumped into an empty corner back in the main building. So there we were, isolated from the world, and when I got to my new desk - I didn't even have my own chair, so that was the last straw - I send this mass email out:

And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire.

Ironically enough, my boss came over to check on us shortly there after, and we got moved again. To our own little pod (group of about 12 cubicals). Its quite nice. The catch is, it isn't really ours. So if the powers that be (meaning ANYONE ELSE in the company) decide they want to use this pod, we're back on the street again. Stupid Commies.

Anyways, That's about all for my first post. Here's what you can expect to see in the future: insightful stories, copies of the random crap that people send us (Last Friday, when opening mail, I guy had sent us back a clipping of one of our mailers. It was the part that said: "YES! I want protection and peace of mind. Enroll me in..." and he crossed out mind and wrote "ass".) Sadly thats one of the wittiest customers we've had. I dunno, I'll keep it entertaining, and if not, blast me in the comments. If its too long, Blast me in the comments. If I don't post enough... you get the idea.

Peace out!