This is Crap!

So it's my first day off, right? You'd think I'd stay up late last night, sleep late this morning, lounge around and play video games, watch movies and eat junk food, right?? WRONG!!! I was really tired last night, so I didn't get to stay up as late as I would have liked too... it's best I start from the begining.

I had a few friends over this weekend for my "Rob Quit His Job" Party. Sure there was a lot of hanging out and eating, but the big thing we did was go to play Lazer Tag. Not only that but there was a Makoto setup, a Dance Dance Revolution Machine that I kicked Ro's ass on, and that boxing game where you have to hold the gloves and move around a lot. I ruled school the second game of lazer tag--we played 3 20 minute games. And I Rocked the Makoto Machine--by rocked I mean I hit like 78 of the 80 targets and I cracked the plastic plates that you strike. What can I say? I've got incredible Bo Staff Skills. And let me tell you something about the DDR Dancing game. If anyone wants to lose some weight - that's the way to do it. Frickin' exhausting. Anyways, after all that, I was quite sore last night, and exhausted from a long weekend.

So I didn't get to stay up until sunrise and party like a rock star for my first day of no work. Instead I was out by like 2:30 am (Sad, I know). And then I didn't get to really sleep in either. Stupid dog woke me up 'cause she wanted to go outside at like 11:30pm--so much for sleeping in. This whole unemployed thing is crap. I mean, I've done some laundry and cleaned up my room... I've offically done more work here today than I did all last week at AWR. AND I'm still sore! So I guess now I'm going to go eat some lunch/breakfast, take a shower, and start plowing through some Classifieds. By the way, I'm totally taking suggestions on what I should do for my next job. Think of this as an interactive reality show... or something, heck I don't know.

Good Night Sweet American Water Resources...

They say that everytime you lose an employee, a part of that company dies. Well, if that's the case, AWR is a freakin' leper; A Mute, Deaf, Blind, Quadriplegic and Developmentally Delayed Leper. With a turn over rate that is breaking land speed records, there's been a ridiculous amount of employees come and go... and there will be more in the future. Will I miss this place? Hell no. Will I miss a few select things... yes.

(Warning! Sappiness Ahead!!!)

I already miss checking the mail each day and reporting back to Rene the mail count. She'll complain NO MATTER what - Its either too much or too little (there was a magic number she looked for, but I don't remember what it was... like 638 or something.) Sucks I can't play flash games with Tim anymore... even if he did just play pingpong all damn day anyways. I'll miss Kim's cynical laugh that she quietly lets slip when she receives another hilarious and pointed email from Jen. Or just Kim/Jen's sense of humor in general... yeah, I'll miss that. I'll miss Melinda's (Freemama) OOooohhh's and full hearted laughter at any and all of my antics. It was like have my own sitcom laugh track at work.

(Ok, Done Now)

I invite any AWR Employee to share any favorite AWR memories, or Rob-Praises, or Blessings of Good Will (come to think of it, Blessings of Ill Will are also welcome). I've been trying to think of what would be a suitable "Last Day of Work" post, and I really don't think words can do justice. One thing I do owe AWR is the opportunity for me to create this website, and I think everyone can agree the world is a better place. So what if this company thrives on selling a mostly ineffiecent WaterLine Protection Plan to mostly REALLY old or REALLY stupid people who for the most part think the program is manditory... they allow the creation of this site, and for that, I salute you Amercian Water Resources!!!

Oh yeah, one more thing. Tim, Stay away from my girlfriend or I'll be all over you like a bulimic girl with her porcelain god.

A Priest and a Tsunami Survivor walk into a bar...

What? Too soon?
Well maybe someone should tell these jackasses at HOT 97 in NYC that. They just recently played a tsunami spoof song that included such jems as the following line: "I just saw her float by, a tree right through her head, and now your children will be sold to child slavery."

But that's alright, I mean there were millions donated to the relief effort (is that the right phrase? I mean, "relief" sounds inadequate.) Although anyone who's been to collegehumor lately may have seen this latest headline: Canadian Town wants its $10,000 donation back... for fireworks

Hey, I do my best to keep my readers current. Anyways, today is the first day without Rene. I had no one to complain about the mail with this morning. We've got 2 new people whom are supposed to be "trained." Problem is we don't have anything to do, and I'm not going to train people now just so they can be retrained when we actually get some work in. In the meantime, I'm folding mailers here at work... and reading PennyArcade Comics. Here's a favorite of mine. Only problem is, Ro plays as Talim and not Sophitia... coincidence that Talim is not only hot, but Filipino as well? You'll have to ask her.

Put Title Here

So last night Phil and I went on an adventure. Seeing as that I like to cook, that means I can sometimes need ingrediants other than Steak, Potatoes, Mac and Cheese, Salt and Pepper. This can tend to be a problem when you live in Jerseyville, IL. So Phil and I went into the big city and scouted out some WholeFood/EthnicFood stores. That stuff is a bit more pricey, but we'll see if it was worth it tonight. Got some Stalks of Lemon Grass, Assorted Spices, Some Belgium Cream Puffs, Various Rices (even some BLACK rice) and finally, some Sake. Funny thing is that I had to have Phil buy my alcohol for me. I had left my ID at ISU when I forgot to "checkout" from the dorms upon my leaving. That little 10 oz bottle of Sake (16% alcohol by volume) would have been only the second alcoholic purchase I had ever made (the first being a red wine for a chicken dish - I poured the remainder down the drain out of spite of anyone who may try drink it.) But I seriously digress... we're talking about the Food Stores.

Phil and I decided that these healthy/international food stores would be a great place to pick up chicks. With only one exception. For some reason we were constantly questioning the sexuality of the other customers. When two girls were shopping together, you can help but think that, maybe, they were gay (It should be noted that Phil and I were having this conversation while purusing the spice rack together.) It was a weird phenomon. I mean they gave no particular indication that they were gay, they were more likely two somewhat attractive college apartment-mates who are into healthy eating and the occasional experimentation... see? Harmless.

So not only are there some awesome, liberal, hot chicks to pick up at the foodstores. But chicks also dig guys who can cook. So that's your lesson for the day folks.

The Warzone

Ever walk the halls of your school, place of employment, or local art museum and think: You know what would be awesome here? Paint Ball! I know I do. If you ever think about it, it'd be a lot of fun, ducking in and out of cubicles, sniping from stairwells, whether or not its after hours or during the work day just depends on how much fun you really want to have.

The work place also makes for a great political warzone as well as a physical one. Playing the bosses to put yourself in the most opportune position possible. Playing Co-workers against each other for your own advantage/amusement. Appearances are everything in the office.

Well, Here's something that I want you all to check out. Call it my, Office Warzone Field Book. I want to see which one of these items I had already created with the intent to inflict bodily harm, and which one I have since reading this created and have in my desk right now. Rene, Melinda and anyone who already KNOWS the answer is ineligible. (I think next week I'm going to make an actual scoreboard for my website. Need new ways to keep things interesting.)

the SIMple life

So, as you may have noticed, no post on Friday. That's 'cause I wasn't here. I was in Springfield visiting Josh, and Sat/Sun I was in Bloomington with the girlfriend and my sister. I spoke with Tom Ryder about possible job opportunities, seeing as that he's a lawyer turned State Representative turned lobbist, he knows a lot of people. Actually, it's his job to know people. But anyways, he gave me some leads on some places to start looking for employment. And here's what I've decided. Real world sucks. And I'm not just talking about the stupid MTV show either, that's another rant altogether.

Seriously, I've got this stack of Newspaper Classifieds (Chicago, Springfield AND St. Louis). I want to just have to pick one of like 10 fields with an entry level position readily available. I want to be able to go to that job the next day, and when I want a promotion, I just have to be clean, rested and happy. By studying up on whatever carrer path I've chosen I should quickly climb the corporate ladder. Once I get that foot in the door I will just have to make a few friends in high places, work out a bit and maybe paint a picture and I'll be more or less at the top in no time at all. Occasionally looking at myself in the mirror for hours on end would be good for me too...

Now if you don't mind me, My bladder meter is quite full and my hunger is in the red as well.
Work Sucks.

Cutbacks

I, for reasons unknown, almost forgot about posting today... Guess I'm just excited about almost being done with work. So here are some quirks about my blogging. People have been very good lately about posting. That makes this worthwhile for me, and so I thank you all. If people don't comment, I lose interest and this site will die. So I hope that everyone from American Water will keep posting after I left... It'd be nice to stay somewhat in touch.

Secondly, the as time goes on my posts get longer. SOOooo.... Everyonce in a while I have to make a concious effort to shorten them up. And it's about that time.

Scott and I were discussing "The Police" last night. I'll trim this conversation down to its barebones to save you some reading time. The downside is that I'm trimming out all of the witty exchanges and putdowns... but you can imagine that it, as are all of our conversations, was hilarious. So Scott thought that What's-his-face from the Police must have gone through a Peeping Tom stage. I argued that it was more like he went through a "Bodies burried in his cellar" Stage. So now I'm thinking that some of his other songs may be clues to where he hid his victims. What do you think? Think any other artists may have done the same??

Teacher: Your current event, Napoleon.
Napoleon: Last week, Japanese scientists explaced... placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.

Tying Up Loose Ends.

Napoleon: Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip.
Kip: Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.
Napoleon: Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time.
Kip: Try and hit me, Napoleon.
Napoleon: What?
Kip: I said come down here and see what happens if you try and hit me.

Alright wanted to get that out of the way first. Now on to a few things I needed to follow up on. First off, my report on Google. To help re-emphasize my point, there have been two articles brought to my attention since my post yesterday. One being Google's push on it's new Picasa Photo Editing/Organizing Program. The other is their new pursuit of being one of the first to ultalize the massive fiber-optic network that has been laid in the US, but isn't being put to use yet. So yeah, Google is taking over the world. Jen, get me a job there.

Next on the agenda is a little poster I like to call, WendyLoo. Now since she's been semi-secretly stalking me for some time, I want to give everyone a chance to get to know her a little better. True, it seems almost like an interview is in order, but my interviews are best given in real time, so that poses a major problem. The other best way to give you a glimpse into this 26-year old wonder from Boston, is through her own website. I had to admit, it wasn't bad (I mean it's better than Scott's). Sorry to tell her that I really just can't commit to yet another blog full time, but I may swing by now and again. Here's a highlight from a few days ago:

Discoveries and Realizations:

1) Too much coffee, too little food=shakey hands and irritable Wendy.

2) Too many news articles begin with the phrase, "In the wake of..." and it's annoying.

3) Much like the Women's Movement, the Civil Rights Movement started earlier and succeeded quicker in Britain than in the U.S.

4) Sometimes the articles published in newspapers are slightly different than the same article published online.

5) People are really upset about the "generosity" thing and I think they need to get over it. Donate or don't donate and then shut up about it. Shouldn't those people be more interested in what Britney's doing?

6) Caricatures of politicians are often eerily accurate.

7) Caricature does not have an H in it.

8) There is no Social Security crisis but there is a serious Bush Makes Shit Up crisis.

9) I should wear two pairs of pants on 7 degree days because even though my mom claims that extra fat on one's body keeps them warm, my thighs were still wicked fucking cold this morning. My ass, however, was not... I choose to believe that this is because my coat hangs over my ass but I realize this might not be true.

10) It is better to give someone a fake number and feel guilty about it than to fear the stalker that calls 6 times in a row Friday night and then leaves a desperate pathetic message on Saturday about how YOU wanted them to call and YOU are a bad person even though they actually asked for your number and you gave it over reluctantly, hoping he wasn't a scary stalker man, because he seemed kinda nice. Fake name, fake number. Must remember this.

11) Cheez-its are made with skim milk.

So there you have it, a random glimpse into the mind of Miss WendyLoo. Maybe we can all become a little better aquainted now. And it looks like today I got away with not making up any of my own material... I am awesome. Later!

"GOOGLE IS GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!"

I've been saying that for quite some time now. Google is putting its fingers into everything, and one day is just going to make its grab and take this world by storm. Desktop searching and Google Compute, where you donate your computer to help medical research while you're not using it. This Blog is hosted by Google!!! Most wouldn't even know it was coming. Back when they released gmail, that's when I first suspected it. They've also got "Froogle" (like Frugal, get it?) for online shopping. But this next one is the kicker... for anyone who hasn't already heard: YOU CAN GOOGLE FROM YOUR CELL PHONE!!! Via a text message you can get local chinese resturants... type: [zipcode] Chinese. You can get definations... type: define totalitarian. Get the lowest online price for a product... type: price iPod 40GB. Its ridiculous. Phase III is gonna be implanting chips in everyone's brain for "faster searching" and then it's all over... Hmmmm... wouldn't mind a job there at all... If only someone I knew, knew someone at google and could get me in...

New Recurring Section: Napoleon Dynamite quote of the day. No need for everyone else to post their own quotes, we all know that everyone can run through 95% of the movie start to finish, this is just for personal reflection. And what better way to start this off than with the first two lines of the movie.

Kid on Bus: What are you gonna do today, Napoleon?
Napoleon: Whatever I feel like I wanna do, gosh!

Wendyloo Peterson. What are we gonna do with you. Come on, be straight with us... are you a regular? If so, I need to know these things. How am I supposed to cater to my audience needs, when I don't even know who that audience is? Its ok to admit that you are... Hardly the first woman to become completely overwhelmed by my irresistable charm. There's actually even a place you can go for "help." Or at least just to be with others like you. Ro can give you the details.

Chose your own adventure books.... awesome. Although I after going through it a few times, I'd damn near read the book straight through, just so I could get all the adventures I could out of it.

This SO almost didn't happen today...

Yeah, you are all really lucky to get a post today. Today was almost a call off of work day. This weekend I made a very spur of the moment trip to Bloomington. We were at my uncle's house for a family birthday party and I was thinking, hmmm... it's an hour home, and only 2 and a half to Bloomington... what the hell. So I went straight to ISU to suprise Ro, and I think its safe to say she was suprised. We watched some movies (more on that in a minute) and went out to eat at Applebees with her brother and his girlfriend. And all was going so well, I really didn't feel like coming back. They all had Monday off, and were suprised I had to work. I, of course, didn't realize it was a holiday and couldn't figure out why it was so important I was there to do my job on said holiday. That and I was 150 miles away.... and I wasn't 100% sure I even had work... and I only had 2 weeks left. But, I'm sad to say, I had a co-worker's cell number and called him up to find out for sure and made the drive back to Jerseyville.

Now about those movies... I forgot "who" was in some of those 80's movies. Let's Recap: Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Kristy Swanson who played Buffy, was Vanessa in Big Daddy (hooters... Hooters... HOOTERS!) and Donald Sutherland who played Merrick (the old guy) has been in more movies than you can shake a stick at ($1 to whomever can tell me where that saying came from). The Vampire Henchman is none other than Paul Reubens (PeeWee Herman!). Then there's Luke Perry, David Arquette and Hilary Swank who need no introductions. And one of my favorite actors, Stephen Root (Milton in Office Space and Gordon in Dodgeball), is the Highschool principal. Little known fact is that Ricki Lake (TV Talkshow host) had a spot in the movie, and EVEN BETTER THAN THAT... Ben Affleck was "Basketball Player #10."

Whew... See?! We also watched Wierd Science, but I think I've gone on about movies too long as is. Long story short, here I am at work. I really don't want to be here anymore but I need the $$. Today I found a present for Ro, I don't know what for, but I liked it so I'm gonna order it. I figure I'll just save it for when I forget our anniversary or something and I'll always seem prepared.

As a random news story, Trevor passed this my way this morning... Ridiculous.

And for anyone whom wants to donate $$ to the Tsunami Fund, just give it to me by the end of this month and I'll turn it in through work. American Water will match whatever I give. So I figure we can help people and screw my company at the same time! Just let me know if you want to give.

Arrogance is NOT a virtue.

I don't care how good at something you are... you can't blatantly show how much you know it. Now, Mr. Manilow may have been what spurred this topic. But is hardly my poster child. Another person I'd like to put in the running is Brian Setzer (from The Stray Cats). Saw an interview with him on TV and he accredited himself with the mid 90's return of swing music. Now there may be some truth in that, but once you announce that you are the reason (or the music) for something, you're a jerk and I hate you. I was surprised at how many times he was able to mention how many cars he had and show off all of his tattoos... and seriously look at these pictures. And he's bragging??

But alas Brian isn't my poster child either. The person whom I give the crown to is none other than [drumroll] The Self -Proclaimed LORD OF THE DANCE HIMSELF... MICHAEL FLATLEY!!! Yes it's true. I hate him. He's an awesome dancer. And I hate him. He left Riverdance to start his own dance show called "Lord of the Dance" starring, guess who! Yeah, I saw it. Here's the plot: Two beautiful women are in trouble he saves them (by dancing of course). They then fight over him. And in the end... Well I don't want to give it away, but lets just say that in Mikey's world everything works out the way he wanted it.

We need legal punishment for arrogance. Anyone ever read that book by Kurt Vonnegut, Harrison Bergeron? Well in it everyone is equalized so no one is special. Dancers have weights tied to their legs amongst other things. My proposition, break Setzer's guitar playing index and middle finger. Break Flatley's right knee. And punch Manilow in the throat... every morning. Harsh? Maybe. But hey, that's why I'm not allowed in a position of power. By the way... "I write the songs" by Manilow... yeah "Words and music by Bruce Johnston."

So what I want to know is some other people whom you'd like to handicap. And what the punishment would be. That's all folks. I write the songs, my ass.

MY JOB IS AWESOME!

Alright that was scarcasim. But here's what brought that on. I turned in my notice 3 days ago. Keystone called "The Power" and informed them of that. Since then however, The Power has yet to say a word to me. I find this, nothing short of, hilarious. No acknowledgement. No asking why. Nothing. This is unusual for it to go so long without talking to me, but I guess it could just be happenschance. That was until today. It was payday and The Power normally walks around and hands us all our checks. And she did that... to everyone except Rene and I. We were in the mailroom (10 feet away), and when we came back to our desks, our checks were sitting on our computers. I laughed. A lot. It's like Jr. High here. ANYWAYS....

I looked into a job today: "Make a difference! Jobs for Social Justice!" blah blah blah. I was like, "interesting." So I called, and yeah, I found out that it was to be a canvasser. More or less a door to door solicitor of some ecogolgy stuff. Boo. I shot that one down real quick. Thanks to a heads up from Jen (who warned me thats what it could be) I was able to extract the info out of him quite quickly. But I'm still looking. I've got some people in mind that I want to ask advice from... we'll see.

As a prep for tomorrow's post. I want to hear your opinions on these song lyrics. I want you to tell me what you think about the lyrics and what they say about the person and how you feel towards that person. No Googling, I don't want to ruin any suprises. At least no googling until after you've expressed how you feel:

I've been alive forever, and I wrote the very first song

I put the words and the melodies together

I am music and I write the songs

CHORUS

I write the songs that make the whole world sing

I write the songs of love and special things

I write the songs that make the young girls cry

I write the songs, I write the songs

That's all for now. Remember, I AM The Blog King. And I write these posts.

HUGE UPDATE!!!

Sorry this couldn't wait until tomorrow!

This is exciting, it's not often that Rob's Office Space has late breaking and "you heard it here first" news. The bosses don't even know about this yet...

So I offically turned in my notice yesterday, and January 28th is my last day. Rene and I had always had this private race to see who'd get out first. I was SOO sure that I had this one locked away after I turned in my notice. That was... until today. Today Rene (THE Rene) made up her mind. She gave her two weeks notice today. Which means she beats me by 2 days. This is almost unacceptable. I don't know what more I can do. Besides step up my efforts to get a job and secure one before that time, and then just quit outright. This race is not over. I also want my fans to know that I will maintain the site to tell you about the job search, and then I will have a new job and the Office Space will still be maintained. I encourage Rene to still come and visit the site after she's moved on to bigger and better things. And I want to thank her for an awesome couple of months and wish her the best of luck!

Peace! I'm out!

My BB, Tan M&Ms and MicrosoftKid

Don't know if anyone remembers, but before the end of the new year I hijacked an office buliten board and used it for my own purposes (link here). And in that post I had asked the question, I wonder how long before they take that away from me. Well folks, I forgot to give you the answer to that question: After a month of being blank, the next day I was back the "Powers That Be" informed me that they decided they wanted to use it after all (I say the next day I was back because I had an injury day and a vacation day off). So I was asked to make the gridwork for a calender on the dry erase board, in permant marker. You better believe this job took me well over an hour. So now, Its a boring calender, with only 3 things written on it - noting peoples vacation days. Aparently my board was too distracting and too much fun for the office environment. There were actual instances of tour groups arriving at the front door, busloads of senior citizens who honestly mistook this place for Disney World. So I can see why the board had to of been taken care of immediately. And I hope that now you can all see, why I quit. The 28th is my last day at American Water Resources.

Hey speaking of conspiricy theories, I've got one of my own. What the hell ever happened to the Tan M&M's? I don't mean brown, I mean TAN! I know they used to exist. I'm not in "The Forgotten" or anything. I'll tell you what happened. BLUE HAPPENED! They had that big "Vote for the new M&M color" thing and Blue won. The next day, no more tan. I believe there was an unaired commercial featuring New Mr. Blue "accidently" knocking Mr. Tan over a railing and into a giant vat of molten chocolate. Sure the company's Offical Statement is that Mr. Tan was "exploring other business opportunities." Sure, if by that you mean, BEING MELTED DOWN ALIVE AND WITHOUT A TRACE SO MR. BLUE COULD GRAB A BETTER FOOTING IN THE MARKET!!!!!

whew... ok, sorry. Been holding that in too long. On an up side there's apparently a genius kid. He reminds me of me at a young age. Of course by young age I mean like 19, and he's only 8. Anyways, article about him here and here's the 8 year old's frickin' website (which gets more hits than mine.... jerk.) Geeze, so much for an up side. Everything in this post sucks. I quit.

Terrorist TV

Because Scotty put up such an insightful post on his blog, I decided to write my suppliment. Here's my idea for helping to bridge international gaps, help tsunami victims, aiding that infamous "War on Terror", and entertaining millions. Are you ready for this? Of course not, that's how revolutionary it is, but I'm giving it to you reguardless.

Finding Osama

Television's newest Reality TV show! Teams from all across the world race to be the first to Capture/Kill Osama bin Laden. Each country forms teams of elitists which will be followed by video cameras to document the entire escapade moment to moment, drama by drama. As per all reality TV shows, the teams will be required to perpetuate the stereotype of thier homeland, we want teams of Rednecks, African Tribes, Militants, and ninjas pitted against eachother in a race against the clock for the obligitory $100,000 Prize! What our contestants don't know is that it's not $100,000 but $50 Million (that's the actual reward offered by the US I believe). Anyways, it'll be awesome. Not since the olymics golden years will so many different countries be engaged in such friendly competion. Half of revenue occured for the show will go to Tsunami wrecked Asia and the other half to the ravaged Iraq. Man I'm good.

Like I had said, this was brought about by Scott's blog. You can check out his related work here.

Moment of Clarity

This may be a, not often, but sometimes reoccuring segment on my blog for times I need to use my soap box and offer some insightful information. Today it's on the the word "jihad." Americans should stop using that word. Jihad means doing something with God in mind - a day to day "struggle". "War" is the least of it's meanings. When they hear on American TV that they are performing a jihad, it only re-enforces the f'ed up idea in not only Americans minds, but the minds of potential terrorists everywhere. Don't support terrorism. Don't support ignorance. Stop listening to terrorists when they claim they're representing Islam. There are an estimated 1.5 billion Muslims in the world today. If it really was as many ignorant people claim, we'd all be screwed.

Crap People Sent Me

I am endorsing NONE of these sites. I haven't even looked at them more than to get a general idea of the "information" they provide. Like I said, this is crap I get sent. Check it out if you're bored just to re-enforce the fact there are still many wackos amoung us. Would I think it would be awsome if some of this consipircy stuff was true and be proven without a doubt, of course I would. The actual chances of that.... we'll say below a 1.3% chance. Like I said, only if you're really bored.

Police State :: 9/11

Prison Planet :: Anti-War

Sierra Times :: News

Give Me Liberty :: More like... Give Me Money

Theft by Deception :: Taxes

Federal Observer :: "A Voice of Truth - For Amercia"

Rene's interview!

Alright, boys and girls... it's time for "Getting to Know Your Fellow Bloggites" Hmmm.... That's a long title, I'll have to work on that, anyways! Today we have a very special guest. Special Friend, would you please introduce yourself, your relationship with Rob, and how awesome you think Rob is.

I'm Rene (with one e) a.k.a. QB, short for Queen Bee. I rule the mail and enrollments. I am a co-worker of Rob's. In the short time I have known Rob, I have come to the understanding that there is no one on this earth quite like him. Oh, you might be able to say that about everyone; but, there are a lot of people that conform to certain rules, clothes, music, etc. Not Rob, he is unique and totally awesome!

(Ahem... you forgot to mention "Hot." But you did well enough, keep that up and consider that $5 yours. ) Now you said he didn't conform to rules... what did you mean by that? Any examples?

Well, let's see.... I could probably write a novel on that question. I'll give you a couple of examples though. Most of the young 20's I have met recently listen to a lot of the same popular music and Rob also listens to it because he is very well rounded; however, one of his favorite types of music is swing. He has us listening to it while we open mail. Freemama is even working on her Charleston (which is really more ragtime/jazz, but, we don't want to disappoint her).

Another example...While most of us here at AWR work eight and a half or nine hour days and get paid for eight, Rob works seven and a half and gets paid for seven and a half. He still gets the same breaks. In fact , he takes more breaks than anyone else here. Go Rob!! I'm still really surprised micro-boss lets him get away with that. But, then, we are talking about Rob.

Hey, if they’re gonna be a pain in the ass and give him a system, he’s gonna find a way to work it. I’ve also heard that he filled a cabinet with packing peanuts, runs his website on the clock, does more arts n’ crafts than enrollments, has porn in his desk, and frankly… does about 15 minutes of actual work a day. This is just what I’ve heard… It sounds to me like he’s a drain on the company as a whole, than a benefit. Whycome don’t you just turn him in and get him fired? Wouldn’t that just be doing the world a favor?

While all the things stated are very true and it may be beneficial to AWR if they were to part ways, Rob is the only reason I come to work every day. Well to be totally honest Rob and the little amount of money they give me are the only reasons. He brings new interests and humor to our day. Without that, it would just be a boring, repetitive, did I say boring job.

*Dramatic Pause while I wipe the tear from my eye*
Touching story Rene, I think the rights have already been sold to ABC. So who do you think should play Rob in the Made for TV movie, and who should play you?

Well, the part of Rene should be played by Patricia Heaton from Everybody Loves Raymond. We share close age, stature, smart-a** personalities. Now for Rob...boy that's tuff..I would like to say Matthew Broderick because Rob is Ferris Bueller..too old though. I would also like it to be Johnnie Depp. He's my personal favorite and oh so hot, like Rob...still too old. There's also Tim Ezell from Fox 2 News, kinda wacky...getting closer. I just can't decide....maybe we should ask everyone else what they think.

I would have to say Luke Wilson… from Old School. But hey, that’s just me. Anyways, it’s about time to wrap this up, however I still have one question for you. You see, I feel like somehow we haven’t really gotten to the meat and potatoes of this interview yet. I want to make sure that all of our readers will walk away from this with a real solid grasp of who you are. We know you’re a smart-a**, we know that you’re a bit OCD, wait, we didn’t cover that? Oh well, you are, and that’s ok. But we need to get below this superficial questioning… We have to know WHO RENE IS. So Rene, What (being as truthful as you can be), is your favorite Movie?

My favorite movie is of course anything with Johnnie Depp. It doesn't even have to be a good movie. He's just wonderful to watch. Airplane is a close second, lots of familiar faces, lot of one liners (the start of the great 1980's movies). And rounding out the top three The Jerk with Steve Martin. I didn't like it the first time I saw it, but after watching it like 100 times (Rob did mention I'm OCD) it really grew on me. He didn't mention, however, I'm indecisive. I could have some new favorites tomorrow.

Gee, in that list we should also include: Doesn’t follow directions very well. I said ONE movie, you gave me THREE! Bah, fine. Whatever. This interview is over. I’d like to thank my guess Milton… I mean, Rene, for joining us today. I want everyone to feel free to ask follow up questions. As always its been a pleasure. And this is Rob, signing off. Later!

Video Gaming Etiquette

You know all that crap your parents tell you and you don't really pay any attention too? Well, once when I was younger (we'll say 10) I couldn't get anyone to play Commodore with me because I always beat everyone. And it was expected -- they were all my games. And dad told me... "It's no fun if you can't win."

I don't think I paid it much heed at the time, but for some reason it stuck. And whats more revolutionary than that? Is that he was right! So over time I started to develop a new practice. I wouldn't "let people win" but I would screw around and keep it close and then try to grab the gold at the very last minute. That way the other person would have a far better chance of winning, it was more fun for them, and in the end for me as well. Because then they would play more often and it wasn't winning that I enjoyed, but the challenge and playing.

In college we played a lot of games, or maybe more accurately put, we played a few games a lot. And I saw my theory come into play a lot. One kid, played for only one purpose, to win. While me and another kid would screw around and lose a lot. What was amazing, was I honestly believe we had more fun. To him, everytime he lost, it was "bullshit" and "the game screwing him." It NEVER occurs to him that maybe it was just other people being better... And even though he a bit more often, we never considered him a better player.

But what can we all learn from this? You don't play video games? No big deal, this applies to everything... Cards, Monopoly, Sorry, Checkers... have fun, don't be a sore winner, and don't win all the time.

This may seem like a random post, but you have to understand, I had Tim R and Scott over at my house last night and we were playing some Smash Brothers and Mario Kart. And Scott talks a lot of Smack... let me tell you what, I destroyed him. Mercilessly. I don't know if he'll ever pick up a video game controller again. I won, and was a horribly poor winner, and it wasn't as much fun as I normally have, but Scott talks a lot of trash and I got a sick and twisted satisfaction of annihilating him. Now I'm sure Scott has plenty of games he can beat me at, but I'm not running my mouth off saying I can beat him at those... Ahhhh poor Scott.

Winter Sucks

Ok, it's been decided. A moment while we tally the votes....

In Third Place: PJ!
In Second Place: Timmy Tapeworm!!
And the winner (with a total of ONE vote): RENE!!!
You shall have your interview come Monday.

On to more pressing issues. Winter sucks.
My car is a bit broken (the needed part will be in on Monday) and I can no longer use my vent selector for the AC/Heater. This is a fairly large problem when I need to defrost my windshield. In the meantime I'm using a piece of paper to direct the heat from my vent to my windshield, and that's ghetto. Also my car doors were frozen today. I couldn't get my driver's side open, and I barely got the passenger side. Now visualize this... Me trying to get my doors open, and then crawling across my seats to ram my shoulder into the drivers side door from the inside to open it. Now remember to imagine that scene with me in my leg immobilizer cast thing. Yeah, I'm glad no one was there to see it for real.

Put that in with the fact that I hate the cold in general... yeah I was pretty anti-winter this morning. I'm a bit winter bitter. And with that, I want to hear some other peoples favorite anti-snow, bad winter stories... I know you've gotta have something. 'tis the season of giving, after all. And speaking of which, for those of you who don't check Fark.com... he's an uplifting story for you:

Fourteen-year-old soccer girl puts beatdown on lowlife trying to steal her $2600 tsunami relief money

There you go! Enjoy!

So Its Been Decided.

AND THE VOTES ARE IN!!! You all want to see the leg, eh? I'll do it first thing this evening... probably 5ish (I have to be home to post pictures). And I think I know how I'm going to keep my posts more interesting.

Let's face it, look at my post yesterday, none of you care what I did. This isn't a frickin' log to let everyone know where I was and who I was with every day of my life. No one cares about that crap. So I'm gonna try and steer this back the right direction... made up stories, anecdotes, and interviews.

Today's topic. My leg. Its pretty. Most of my co-workers will attest to that. I make them all look at it regularly. I know they like it, even if they act like they're gonna be sick when I show them. It's a love sickness. So I've got this Leg Immobilizer on, and crutches and a wheelchair in the car. Sounds like a blast doesn't it? Well, the novelty wore off after the first couple days. My armpits and palms hurt from the crutches and I'm tired of walking like a gimp with a pegleg. Even the wheelchair doesn't get me any girls. Ro sat on my lap for a minute or two at the science center the other day, and it was all quite difficult. AND SHE'S TINY! I don't know how it worked out so well with the cheerleaders in my dream the other night... of course the dream also had something about a giant chicken leg and swimming pool of Fruit by the Foot. May have been me, may have been the Vicadin, I'm betting on somewhere in the middle.

Anyways. The WORST part is trying to get in and out of my drivers seat. Little 2 door cavalier + big leg casty thing = me having to crawl half into passenger side of car to swing left leg in. Funny for Ro and Phil, pain in the butt for me. So yeah, that's what it's like to be gimptified. Sucks. Looks like I'll be sitting Taekwondo out this week.

Later! I'm out like The Fab Five.

P.S. I'm going to be doing a raffle for who's the next interview victim. It's only a dollar a ticket and the more times you register, the better your chance of winning!!!

A well deserved vacation.

Why did I deserve a vacation? 'cause I'm awesome. Sorry for the FIVE WHOLE DAYS with no new material, that's an unprecedented occurrence on "Rob's Office Space." So to summarize as much as I can without dragging here's what happened.

Wednesday Night

Taekwondo... 8ish.

I did a jumping back spin kick thingy... was sock footed, and didn't stick the landing so much. Wipeout. Came down on knee. Possibly dislocated it for a fraction of a second, but did no "damage" to the knee. It is black, and I am on crutches and have a leg immobilizer. If I get only TWO requests for a picture, I will post one. It's awesome.

Thursday

Morning

Woke up and leg was turning colors and at LEAST twice the size it was supposed to be... so I revisited my friends at the E.R. Phil took me, because he didn't want me to drive. Phil waited in the ER room with me, 'cause he was being my "life partner." They put me on Vicidin so its probably for the best that I didn't drive. Also gave me the perfect excuse to not go to work. Ro got into Jerseyville at about 3:00 pm... so that was awesome. My girlfriend is awesome. Phil and Kim (his girliefriend) came over and we all used my rice cooker for the first time. We followed up by playing "Pass the Trash" and "Ship, Captain, Crew."

Friday

Paid Holiday

Everything was ruined. Couldn't take Ro to the City Museum 'cause I was a cripple. So Phil, Kim, Ro and I decided to chill at home for New Years Eve and would go to the Zoo and Art Museum and Science Center New Years Day. Fun would be had by all.

Saturday

New Years Day

Went to Art Muesum. Art Museum was closed. Went to Zoo. Zoo closed. Went to St Louis Bread Company to collect ourselves and then went to Borders to read some books on "What to do in St Louis" and drink some coffee. Ro wanted to go to the Botanical Gardens, she called them, they were open everyday but Christmas. Went there - they were closed. Ro wanted to do the whole Arch Thing too... Too Cloudy. And Closed. We gave up and went to my best friend Lisa's house. She's a New Years Baby. Watched Napoleon Dynamite - Awesome. Played Lord of the Rings Risk... Great.

Sunday

Do nothing and chill day with Ro.

French/Ryder Family Luncheon. ER visits were the main topic of conversation. I took out the 100-year old hostess when I backed my chair up suddenly... And then we retired to the french household for dessert. Fun, was again, had by all.

Monday

Paid Vacation Day

Ro and I made chocolate waffles with cherry pie filling as a topping - awesome. Went to Science Center and I rolled around in a wheel chair the whole time. Ramps are a lot of fun (I need try and "go off some sweet jumps," but I didn't.) Came home for food.

Tuesday

Back at Work

Gonna get out of here by the end of January.... WILL get a new job... Must not stab anyone with letter opener.. hate this.

Anyways, that's it. I know it's long - but it's FIVE DAYS!!! I need some blog new years resolutions. something new to keep things interesting. Maybe more interviews. Is that what you want from me? how about some of my old artwork from college? would you like that? *sigh*

Sorry...

Should have warned you all...
I was in the ER on last Thursday - everything's ok, update on Tuesday.
And I took off this Monday (vacation day) 'cause Ro's down for the weekend.

I'll post tomorrow!