To all the Ladies…

Listen, you’re all wonderful people, and some of you are even attractive enough for me, but I’m already spoken for. It’s going to be hard, but you’re going to have to let me go. Whether we’ve already met and you’re currently trying to go through life pretending that you can be happy with someone else, or you’re one of the poor souls who haven’t yet glimpsed my greatness, be comforted because ignorance is bliss. Be happy while you can, with what you can. There’s only one of me, and although I would love to, the damnable rules that society imposes on us prevents me from sharing the glory that is Rob with all of you. Be comforted in knowing that you will be in my thoughts, and remember, settling isn’t so bad.

So yeah, Emily totally wants me. Not Pretty Emily (although she wants me too), and not Stupid Emily or Mean Emily, but Steak’n Shake Emily. Her eyes spoke volumes and it was a book that was hard to put down. (I don’t even think that last sentence applies, but I was so proud of myself for coming up with it, it’s staying there.) Here’s my ridiculous, yet brief, Steak’n Shake Story:

So I had just turned in my paper for class last night, and was driving home when I realized I was starving. Not eating apparently does that to you. I was actually talking to Pretty Emily on my cellphone at the time, I was sleepy, hungry and distracted. I pulled in to the SnS parking lot and saw the line for the drive through and got right in. After waiting on the two cars in front of me, I pulled up to the window. Herein lies the problem, I pulled up to the “window”. This was one of those stupid drive-throughs where you have to drive all the way around the building 300 degrees to get in line, almost like the building was supposed to be facing a different direction. I pulled up and that’s when the tragedy began.

Emily saw me and it was love at first sight (for her). I gave her a dashing smile and we had some witty banter about how much of a tool I was, and then I drove around to place my order at the speakerbox (with Emily). After doing things properly I drove up to Emily again and got my food. After leaving I told Pretty Emily the story and explained that it must be something in the name, because Emily’s find me irresistible. She agreed.

Upon getting home, I discovered that I didn’t have my shake. Then after explaining the whole thing to Scott, he decided he wanted a shake as well, so we drove back. By this point Emily couldn’t bear the thought of having to see me again just to have her heart broken as I drove away so someone else answered the speaker box this time. We got my shake and scotts without incident, but Emily did peek around the corner to catch one final glimpse… I think I saw a tear in her eye.

Its hard being me.