Monday, January 09, 2006

Not Lovin' It.

Remember the big moon headed man? The one who played piano? And that burger swiping trickster? Those are what I call the golden days of McDonalds. "Good Time, Great Taste, At McDonalds..." Yeah, that this "doo Doo doot do DOOOOO" Bullhockey. When they had cool toys that kids cut choke on or cut themselves with. When they had Square Records that told you if you were a winner. THEY WERE SQUARE RECORDS!!! I knew how to spell Mc-D-O-N-A-L-D-S before I knew how to spell my middle name because of that contest and it's catchy jingle. So I'd like to state just once for the record. I hate you McDonalds. Not because you make us fat and lazy. Not because you target kids harder than Joe Camel (side note, Mc Donalds is the worlds largest public playground provider.) But because you're not cool anymore. I feel like you've killed a piece of my childhood, and for that I can never forgive you.

Oh yeah, and think about this. Know how you can go out to a nice resturant and order a steak, and then you can go home and try to replicate that meal. Its hard yes, but with a little practice you can get it. Just like how I try and copy dishes from Chinese Buffets. Now I want you to just try and reproduce a McDonalds Hamburger. Go ahead. Just try. I'll give you a hint, don't grill a hamburger to start. Think about it, you KNOW that tastes nothing like a real hamburger. Hardees is real close, but McDonalds - Never. So if it doesn't taste like a hamburger, What does it taste like?

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

It tastes like grease on a bun with a slight hint of cheese.

Breyn

C_thegreat said...

I went to the McD's by Drake during orientation or first week of school or something... when I ate a hamburger there it had cartillage in it. I've not been to any since. Which is a horrible way to start an excellent eating habit.
Remember the days BEFORE the white meat chicken nugget? It was like gambling for little kids. "Will I get enough good meat to actually make a meal?"

What was that moon-head-guy's name? Was it Mr. Mooney? Because I have this really random memory from preschool being in line to go to the "movie room" to watch one of those "good touch/bad touch" movies and thinking that my teacher said it was the name of the McDonald's guy... which in my memory was "Mr. Mooney"
Ironic name for someone who is teaching us which kind of strangers to stay away from...
And I distinctly remember the guy not being the McD's character, because he looked like someone no little kid should ever be within 30 ft of. Further irony...

Who knew that could spur such an intense memory.

"Food. Folks. Fun." howabout that McDonald's slogan? That advertiser had to have been fired after that one. I liked the cups of that slogan era though.

Ok, long commment, but that is in lieu of me actually making a post on my own blog.

In conclusion: I feel old.

~c

Scott said...

It tastes like katsup and mustard. And the "special sauce." Little to none of the actual meat can be discerned. Except for the Big N' Tasty, where they have a whole fat patty... which I suspect is made out of the leftovers from the normal patties. As a cruel joke on those who eat it, the sammich is only one letter off from Big N' Nasty. Coincidence... I think not.


- Scott

Timmy Tapeworm said...

In the basement of the Jerseyville house, there's a weird Polaroid of Dad standing next to the moon-faced guy. I have no idea why and it still haunts my dreams...

Josh, back me up on this.

Timmy Tapeworm said...

Holy crap. Knight Rider spam? Really?

Josh said...

Tim, a picture of the MoonMan and God, really? That's worth a fortune.

Timmy Tapeworm said...

Josh, how dare you steal my joke and insert it into a situation where it makes much less sense? HOW DARE YOU!

Anonymous said...

hi all mcdonald's lovers

mcdonald's doesn't make you fat and lazy. you yourself do that cause your a bit pigheaded all of you are and you should all get over it so there enjoy eating the nice stuff