I don't care how good at something you are... you can't blatantly show how much you know it. Now, Mr. Manilow may have been what spurred this topic. But is hardly my poster child. Another person I'd like to put in the running is Brian Setzer (from The Stray Cats). Saw an interview with him on TV and he accredited himself with the mid 90's return of swing music. Now there may be some truth in that, but once you announce that you are the reason (or the music) for something, you're a jerk and I hate you. I was surprised at how many times he was able to mention how many cars he had and show off all of his tattoos... and seriously look at these pictures. And he's bragging??
But alas Brian isn't my poster child either. The person whom I give the crown to is none other than [drumroll] The Self -Proclaimed LORD OF THE DANCE HIMSELF... MICHAEL FLATLEY!!! Yes it's true. I hate him. He's an awesome dancer. And I hate him. He left Riverdance to start his own dance show called "Lord of the Dance" starring, guess who! Yeah, I saw it. Here's the plot: Two beautiful women are in trouble he saves them (by dancing of course). They then fight over him. And in the end... Well I don't want to give it away, but lets just say that in Mikey's world everything works out the way he wanted it.
We need legal punishment for arrogance. Anyone ever read that book by Kurt Vonnegut, Harrison Bergeron? Well in it everyone is equalized so no one is special. Dancers have weights tied to their legs amongst other things. My proposition, break Setzer's guitar playing index and middle finger. Break Flatley's right knee. And punch Manilow in the throat... every morning. Harsh? Maybe. But hey, that's why I'm not allowed in a position of power. By the way... "I write the songs" by Manilow... yeah "Words and music by Bruce Johnston."
So what I want to know is some other people whom you'd like to handicap. And what the punishment would be. That's all folks. I write the songs, my ass.
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7 comments:
A friend of mine told me that Barry Manilow, the hearthrob of middle-aged women everywhere, he who writes (or at least sings) the touching love songs about the Mandys and the Copacabanas and all of these things...yeah, that Barry Manilow...totally gay. Try to wrap your head around that one.
Okay, so it's not that much of a stretch.
Not to keep on with Barry...but, every time someone mentions his name, I'm reminded to when I used to wait tables at Pizza Hut, and one of the cooks brought a Manilow CD in with the rest of his collection. The other CD's included Poison, Metallica, and Motley Crue...but I digress. One evening, as we were all sitting around "cleaning up" after the restaurant closed, he decided to play the dreaded aforementioned CD. The rest of us immediately began contemplating suicide and thought it would be sort of funny if we all killed ourselves and then left the CD playing on repeat all night, so when they found us in the morning...it would all make sense. Manilow is loaded with subliminal messages that make you want to kill yourself. Reconsider before listening...
I'd like to believe that I'm not the type of person who would want to handicap anyone...but, I DO have a list...and most of them are singers because I sing too, and sing as well as, or better than, these folks but because I didn't apply myself when I was younger, I will never have their popularity, fame or money...here goes: (yes, I am a jealous bitch...sorry.)
Barbra Streisand
Celine Dion
Jessica Simpson
Angelina Jolie
Princess Jasmine
and
President Bush (he needs something that only stem cell research could cure...)
OK, sure was nice to get that all off my chest. Thanks for letting the beast within out, Rob!
~Mandy, who came and gave without taking...
I read Harrison Bergeron, back in 8th grade. We read a whole bunch of futuristic sci fi stories like that, see look how literate I am. I love Micheal Flatley. And I am covering my ears right now, I don't hear you. I believe he produced and choreographed that entire show, so I think if he wants to put himself center stage then that's fine. If he were an old choreographer, he would have made someone else the lead role, unfortunately he can still dance. So it may be a little conceited or a lot conceited, but he's an incredible dancer and you don't get that good and not show it off. I think if I was him I would have done it too.
~Ro
Ok, with new consideration of my girlfriend's comments (honey, you may want to "cover your ears for this"). I move that we break both kneecaps... and give him Manilow's daily punch in the throat for good measure.
In so far as neutralizing people goes, I think we should take Tim to an African tribal shaman, and have them shrink his head. (Sorry Tim, can't let a good joke, or a bad one, die) I also think Michael Jackson needs his feet hacked off, along with other body parts, and ANYone who's EVER been in a boy band needs to have their vocal cords ripped out. See. This is why I role-play, its my chance to indulge my violent tendencies without hurting people. BTW, since I oh so love offensive humor, I'll share this with your blog, as I have with you
So in spite of all the shitty, horrible things our government has done, it still does service the people. Just recently, for instance, they've been working on low-income public housing for midgets. I believe they will be called Stay-Free Mini-Pads.
So offensive, it's funny.
Trevor
I would have to say Jennifer Love Hewitt, because she can sing, act and yet still appears so humble. You know that's an act and inside she's thinking, everyone adores me, I'm amazing. I don't know that I would wish real HARM on her....but for her to suddenly loose her voice so she can not act nor sing...that would work!
Brittany Spears needs some kind of tragic accident, because SHE is conceited! She's arrogant and a slut. A nasty STD/STI would be good for her! Yah, that would work....
Paris Hilton...She needs to loose ALL her money and be forced to live in the ghetto of New York, on the streets. That would do her good.
WOW! Thanks Rob for that outlet of ugly jealousy. I appreciate it!
Tabitha
OK I think some of this hostility and energy should be used towards getting you folks at American Water out of that building. My son has turned into someone that is frankly scaring me a bit...... www.nfb.org/videotest.htm try watching a video for a new job search....... How many more days Rob? Mom
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