But now I believe its time to use my powers for the good of all. And I'm gonna extend this offer to Tim and Scott (yes Tim, this is what I mentioned to you before.) The way I figure it these blogs are the perfect opportunity for us to hone our skills. Then once we've passed every blogbased trial and tribulation that our own circles can throw at us we should... JOIN POWERS! Think about it, separate we are strong, entertaining and offensive. But we could be so much more! With our powers combined, Captain Planet wouldn't even want to mess with this. We could all co-maintain a website. We will discuss everything from Worldly News, Local Observations, Sports, Women, Midgets and Shinagains. We will become respected, influential, and revered. People everywhere will idly wait by their computers for the next gem of a post we will send their way. And after that, we'll get our own columns in the newspapers, and then our OWN news station, and then... They will make us each president of our own planets!!! Well, Tim and I will get planets... Scott will probably just get a moon or something. (By the way, if anyone fails to see the logic behind all of this, obviously hasn't read "Ender's Game" in which case you REALLY should. It's a quality book - summary here. And it's due out in 2006 on the big screen.)
Anyways, enough of that, I don't want to give away too much of my plans. Here's my little bit of daily insight... Apparently the US was testing it's famous Missile Defense Shield and things didn't go quite as well as hoped. Here's the weird thing though: it's not the fact that we failed to stop a dud missle that we launched from a location that we knew, at a time and to a target that we set... no, none of that really bothered me. It was the line I read that the "test had been put off several times because of bad weather." Does that strike anyone else as odd? I mean, a missile defense system that relies on optimal weather conditions? Anyways, just an observation... here's the whole story.
Alright and the quote for today. Not an 80's movie but I deemed it appropriate nonetheless... besides, it's not like you're not getting all of these anyways. I'll give you a hint: it's still about 10 years old.
Dade?
Yeah, ma?
What are you doing?
I'm taking over a TV network.
Finish up, honey, and get to sleep.
19 comments:
Come on Rob...you gotta do better then that. I believe the quote is from Hackers, a very cool movie! I should go rent that cuz I haven't seen it in forever!
Cereal Killer: Spandex is a privilage, not a right.
Breyn
I've got a quote for ya...
What are your qualifications?
Ah. Well... I attended Juilliard... I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT... NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY... NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK?!? You think I'm qualified?
You ridicule me for a Hackers quote and come back with Beetlejuice?? For Shame!
Alright gonna find a tougher one now...
Pfft. Beetlejuice. C'mon, how about a challenge. Try this.
"Mmm... good food."
"I wonder why they put the meat on these little white sticks?"
"Those are rib bones."
"You mean this used to be an animal...?"
"Uh huh."
"Ugh! What a barbaric world..."
"It tasted good..."
Trevor
Dammit Trevor, you posted as I was getting ready to put a new one up... So that means we'll put up both and see who can get 'em.
Young Elizabeth: Daddy, why don't we throw mommy out the window? It won't hurt her. She'll land in the gladiolas.
Elizabeth's Father: You shouldn't say things like that about your mother... She might cut your head off.
Just read the post and you know what, it's brilliant. Great entrepreneurship. I totally agree, the joint forces of Tim, Rob, and of course, Scott would be a force to rival the Brothers Chapps. Except for not knowing how to do shockwave flash animations, and not yet heving a full fledged cult following...
But yeah, count me in. Except this thing where you're the president of planets and I'm on some damn moon. First thing I would do: crash my moon into your planets. Mine was a barren wasteland to start with, but now I've decimated your utopian society. So we'll all go live on the remaining planet as a Triad leadership. I hope you're happy. Mass genocide, planet-icide, and to a lesser extent moon-icide. All because I got stuck on a moon. At least give me an asteroid field, or a comet. On the comet I get some traveling in. And who doesn't like a change of scenery? Nobody; nobody doesn't like it.
But I like this idea I'm already working on a name. I was thinking something like "Pancakes: The Website," ok, that's horrible. I'll keep working on it. - Scott
P.S. If you guys get planets, I at least want a friggin space fleet. But the ship I'm on has to have some kind of rag-tag crew of misfits that some how amalgamate into one undefeatable uber crew.
So of those 4 quotes, I knew all of.... NONE! I have no doubt in my mind that I absolutely suck at this game. Plus, I still don't understand how you are making that gigantic jump from having your own news stations to then being president of your own small planets or moon. So this whole post was just over my head. In the game of life I lose.
~Ro
I got it! Drop Dead Fred! It is one of my all time fav movies that I bet not too many of you have seen but it is about an adult female that as a young child had an imaginary friend. After a failed marriage she moves back home and her imaginary friend returns to her one night in her old room..... Yes finally Rob's Mom
Rob, here's my only fault that I can find with your plan. I can't even keep a SimCity town stable for more than 5 SimYears. And you want me to run an entire freaking planet? I mean, we're not even talking SimCity 4 or anything fancy like that. We're talking OLD SCHOOL SimCity, where the only qualification for a stable infrastructure was a working motherboard.
I'm scared, Rob. And the citizens of the galaxy should be too. Perhaps our combined power is too awesome to even consider...
Too powerful, or maybe just exactly the right amount of powerful? Because if not us, then who? ...Ok so I stole that from Legend of Earthsea. But screw you, that's a good quote. And applicable!
Here's an excerpt from our acceptance speeches:
"Citizens of the galaxy, I am Jedi Lord Master Pimp Amazing Ruler Scott. You can call me Jedi Lord Master Pimp Amazing Ruler Scott. Or 'that really good looking, funny guy'. I also would have accepted 'Is that Brad Pit' but then upon thinking about it I would have DESTROYED YOUR HOMEWORD for the patronizing. Or at least roughed it up a bit."
Hmm, Tim I think I see what you mean. That could be a jarring transistion for some. But we'd get it under control. So you should join us, lest something happen to your homeworld. Muwahahahaha
- Scott
P.S. On realizing that we have the same homeworld, I change my threat to your nipple hair. It's in dire duress, I assure you. Join us or DIE!
To all the other ladies out there reading this...does anyone else have issues with the fact that whenever these so called planets are taken over they are done so by these men? Where is the women representation here?!
I am definately not a feminist by any means but it makes me a little nervous to think that my livelihood will be left in your guys' hands?? Where is our say?? Will there be a first lady or two??
(will this happen in the era of ludichris speed being perfected and therefore these planets are in various parts of the galaxy?)
~Breyn
Look girlie, I know I'll lose some lady points here but the ladies I'm out to woo don't frequent this blog, name one major society that was ever run by women. Oh wait, you can't because with the exception of Themyscera they don't exist, and never did. If they did, where are they? How many worked out? Hmm, none...that's odd. Or is it? (In fact, Themyscera, Wonder Woman's homeland, was always getting messed up by some men. And the men weren't even trying that hard.)
Let me tell you, if women ran things all wars would be cold wars. It'd be all "look at Russia, she dresses like a whore" or "that Iraq probably wears that burka because her face is covered in moles and acne". Doesn't that sound nice? Except that NOTHING WOULD GET DONE. I've seen the girls team on the Battle of the Sexes. What's their win count to date? Like 1? And even then, they got all the good materials for the boat. So it wasn't an especially balanced competition, but I'll give it to them.
When the stuff's going down, I want the men in charge. Because I mean really, why mess with a winning formula. - Scott
P.S. I realize that you all now hate me, and find it funny. Now make me a sammich!
OK Scott, as a feminist, I must say that Britian has had queens for ages (Queen Elizabeth and all the Elizabeths that followed), Egypt had Cleopatra...many other societies have had very influential women, who may not have been the dictator, but that's because we have hearts and could never have ruled in a tyranical world with slaves and idiot men screwing whatever happened to walk by. Women are much more intelligent, and therefore would never want to be the idiot whom everyone hates....we simply manipulate the men in charge, knowing that we hold power over them!
Tabitha
Alright Gang... I'll be posting later. Keep it up though I like where this is going. I also like the idea of Scott's Ragtag Group of Space Pirates that he'll amass into a formitable army. Anyways, I'm off to the ER. I'll let everyone know how it goes! And I'll post when I get home. Later!
Ummmmm... The Queen of England?? I'm sorry, that's more or less just for appearances. She gets her picture on stuff and that's about it. And now to the ER!
I have to agree with Rob, sure there's a queen, but only because she's a stubborn old bitch who won't abdicate the throne to her cabable son, or his even more capable son William. And besides, she's the queen but that's ALL she is. The prime minister (a MAN) actually runs the country.
Oh and your other example, Cleopatra the Queen of...feminist misconceptions. Do you know what she did? She whored herself out to Antony so he wouldn't topple her kingdom. Then when her man died she killed herself. How brave, yeah take her as your patron saint.
As far as women being smarter...then why aren't they running things? I'll tell you, because even if the were smarter (which they're not, if anything we're equal or a man is just a bit smarter due to the more logical nature of his decisions. I mean, when you drop the emotions that run rampant in those pretty little heads of yours you think a lot clearer) but even if they were smarter we could knock them out. It's that simple!
Anyway, before this gets too heated remember that I'm only half serious. But still there is that half...
- Scott
Empress Wu Chao rules China for 50 years, 15 de facto and 35 de jure. The daughter of a general, she starts adult life as one of the emperor’s concubines, marries the crown prince when he becomes emperor, takes over his administration, takes over China’s longstanding war against Korea and wins by a victory at sea, survives many plots, and takes up various lovers and companions until her death at 80. Notorious for her favorites at court and for utter ruthlessness, she nevertheless rules extremely well, giving China decades of peace and prosperity, and leaving her grandson the wherewithal for a reign that will be a golden age and high point of T’ang poetry and art.
Don't worry, I won't take any of it to offense, because you are a man....and you tell yourself whatever you need to tell yourself to make you feel better. Men have always kept women down because they know we would show them how ridiculous they are. Would women sit down and talk things out, not shoot eachother up and the last one standing wins. It is a scientific fact that men's brains function differently than women's. I am currently in a bible study called "Bringing up Boys" and in it Dr. Dobson illustrates how men only have one pathway from the right side of the brain to the left side, and women have two...which is why we can mulitask and why we're better communicators. Men have too much testostorone and all they want to do is bash stuff up and seek thrills. I'm not saying that's wrong, or that women don't do that as well...there are acceptions to every rule. As I said before, women may not have had titles of authority, but we are very good at manipulating men...it's really easy actually...just promise sex, or threaten to withhold sex...and we get whatever we want! All the joys of ruling without assassination attemps! We RULE!
Tabitha
IF WOMEN WORLD THE WORLD.....
Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams.
PMS would be a legitimate defense in court.
Men would get reputations for sleeping around.
Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pockets.
A man would no longer be considered a "good catch" simply because he is breathing.
Fewer women would be dieting because their ideal weight standard would increase by 40 pounds.
Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity
"Ms." Magazine would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily clad male models.
Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime.
Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for none of the credit.
Little girls would read "Snow White and the Seven Hunks"
Men would earn 70 cents for every dollar women made.
Men would bring drinks, chips and dip to women watching soap operas.
Men would HAVE to get Playboy for the articles, because there would be no pictures.
Men would learn phrases like: "I'm sorry", "I love you", "You're beautiful", "Of course you don't look fat in that outfit".
Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments
Men would sit around and wonder what WE are thinking.
Men would pay as much attention to their woman as to their car.
All toilet seats would be nailed down.
Men would work on relationships as much as they work on their careers.
TV news segments on sports would never run longer than 1 minute.
All men would be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator
During mid-life crisis, men would get hot-flashes and women would date 19 year olds
Overweight men would have their weight brought to their attention constantly.
After a baby is born, men would take a six-week paternity leave to wait on their wives hand and foot.
For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a two-year old for six weeks.
~Breyn
Sounds like the life. And did anyone realize that there has been women Prime Ministers of England????
The flame war is over, but I'd like to say that Margaret Thatcher was hardly a woman.
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