1) TERRIBLE WARNING FROM HEAVEN!! "God will send mankind a Great punishment" "You shall be given the sword America" "Volcanoes will pop up in North America and in Europe. Earthquakes will send Japanese islands to the bottom of the sea." "Remain in doors! Go outside and you will die! On January 31, 1999 a comet will strike the earth and 3/4 of mankind will die."Alright, so other than all that, not a lot is going on at good ol' American Water Resources. We had a Pumpkin Carving Contest on Friday. Yours truly won Scariest (hopefully pictures coming soon... if I can figure out how). And I used my $25 Gift Card for Barnes & Noble to buy a Tae Kwon Do book and John Stewart's "America: The Book." Both I believe are good investments.
2) Porn! Placed within an envelope marked "A Christmas Blessing for you Inside." An ad for "10 Free Good Girls Gone Bad Videos!" 5 pages... Full color... Full nudity!
3) Sick of Democrats and Republicans? "Support the Green Party, Donate Today!" Complete profiles of Pat LaMarche & David Cobb (respective Pres. and V.Pres Candidates). And I will have you know... PAT IS A WOMAN!!! HA!
4) More than 10,000 empty returned envelopes from PA
Alright kiddies, my last little bit here will be my VERY IMPORTANT question for you. Now the Superpowers question didn't go over nearly as well as I'd hoped... I mean, you all seemed so much more intense on Ariel's Boobs than your own superpowers (and you even had all weekend... shesh.) But your question:
What country should I move to if Bush wins this election? Call it a preemptive draft dodge, or me dodging the nukes that will make their way to my homeland in the potential near future. But I need somewhere to go, and I'm not sure where - So I'm going to take suggestions from the audience and let you all decide. It's kinda like a reality TV Show... but a reality Blog Show instead. So there you have it folks - my Monday post. Enjoy!
18 comments:
First off, you didn't say which one wasn't in the mail?! So your just leaving us all in suspense. And as far as the moving situation if Bush gets elected...i'd say you should move anywhere in the Caribbean!! One, because it is BEATUIFUL there Two, you'd be tan all year long, so you'd just be a skinny guy rather than pale and skinny!! Three, because the beach anytime you want, and its the perfect weather..well except for the hurricanes, watch out for those!! Finally Four, because I could come visit you ALL the time and we could have some real brother sister bonding time out on your awesome boat in the ocean, while we scuba dive! I think its an awesome idea! Jamie
Robby - it's a shame you are missing out on the trailer talk today. This afternoon we're discussing how long certain females in this department were "in labor." Doesn't that sound like a FASCINATING conversation. Yeesh....by the way, I was "in labor" over 24 hours and it was still less painful than coming here every day.
I think you should move to the Island Nation of Bali. It sounds good. I don't know much about it, but I like to say that word over and over again....Ba-li, Ba-li, Ba-li.
I, for one, would like to at least reach my 30th birthday coming later this month, so it would be truly helpful if everyone would just friggin' vote for Kerry, or, now that I think about it, just vote Bush the hell out, I don't care if you vote for Charlie Tuna, just vote BUSH OUT! I don't really wish to die in a nuclear blast. And, if you know any old people who are planning on voting for Bush, because old people are relatively stupid and believe all the propaganda they see on TV, kill them, we don't need them anymore, anyway. These same old people are the ones who believe Bush is their saviour because he talks to Jesus and has a "country" accent, oh...and they liked his old man. I could go on, but you all obviously know how I feel.
The views expressed in the last paragraph are mine, Rob may or may not condone them, but they are still mine, so address all hate mail to me. Thanks...
Trailer funk level: mild (sorta smells like cookies in here today.)
~Daniel Pumpkin Carver
Yeah, I thought I'd hide the answer to "Guess which mail is a fake" within my comments section. That way there'd be suspense and you'd have to do a little work to find it! The Faker was #3 about the Green party. Everything else we really did recieve last week.
It's does not do.
The pumkin carving contest was a scam. How can you have a tie when there were 3 judges? Two out of the five (there were suppose to be 3) winners didn't even carve their pumkins. Congrats on your win, though, it really was scary.
I think you should hide out in Rio de Janeiro. Beautiful beaches, beautiful women, exciting night life, people crazier than you, cheap. What's not to like about it.
I definitely think you should hide in the Philippines. You would be among my people. You would learn to appreciate the meat of an ox's tail and realize that one egg could truly feed a family of 12. You would be able to dodge the draft AND learn to appreciate everything you have in "The States"...You will understand why my family is so poor... and really Rob, it's no laughing matter. Plus I really think you should eat ox tail- delicious!
Ro
To my dearest Ro:
Hell No.
My vote is for New Zealand. It's like Australia, only with less former English convicts. And I think there might be hobbits there.
Timmy, there are hobbits. Haven't you seen Peter Jackson? And if that isn't proof enough: http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2004/10/1027_041027_homo_floresiensis.html#main
That's right Mr. REAL Hobbits. They just took a few centuries to migrate to New Zealand and hide. Pipe smoking came shortly after.
Rob, sorry I fell off the face of the internet. The landing was rough and involved copius amounts of a certain beverage. No specifics are to be given but if I were *old* and a person from *England* you might call me an *** *******. You and Vana can sort that one out.
As far as that "terrible warning" I believe it. Because in January 1999 comet G.W. Smashed into the D.C. area of the East Coast. The country quickly fell apart. And earthquakes DID send the Japanese Islands to the bottom of the sea, but that's where Godzilla was hanging out so he pushed them out of his crib.
Next order of buissness; Superpowers. I've always wanted the flight, speed and strength etc. But that's generic. That's the Honda of superpowers. So in the interest of originality, these are my choices:
1. Trampoline-ing. The random ability to bounce off of, and distort surfaces, as though they were a trampoline. I could scare people with suicide threats from skyscrapers and then laugh and laugh as they scream when I jump. Good times.
2. This is just for the hell of it, but I've always wanted it. The Scott Shaped Hole. Like cartoons, or Janet Reno's dance party days. The ability to bust through a wall (or whateva) and leave an imprint behind me in my shape. I'd also imagine that when it came to getting down and dirty, nothing beats a man who busts through the wall before he raises the roof. Giggety Giggety Ohhh Yeeeah.
There you have it, my mega comment (longer than the actual post) making up for my absense. I've also posted at http://gmoneydopefly.blogspot.com So that should make you happy Rob. - Scott
Hi honey (no worries, Ro -- I'm married now). I think you should move to someplace with better food and better gelato than those tropical nations everyone's pressuring you into -- can you think of a country that might fit that description?
If you're concerned about the language barrier, though, I'll second Tim's vote for New Zealand. I heard Jackson bought Bilbo Baggins' (not "Dildo Faggins" as some of my acquaintances who believe the movie should be retitled "Lord of the Nerds" call him) hobbit hole so he could live in it, hiding away in some hillside in NZ. Rumor? Possibly. But I do hope it's true...
from Lisa (currently weathering a terrible plague of senioritis that's debilitating the second year M.A.s here in the great white north)
PS -- lame though it may be, I'd like to have the power to freeze time for everyone but me (like the girl on that one TV show -- what was it called? Her dad was an alien and when she brought her hands together, time stopped.) Very convenient; gives a little extra homework time when necessary. Man I hate school this month...
Lisa, the show was called 'Out of This World' and the girl's name was Evie and she talked to her dad through some Yaffa Block looking thing made of plastic. She had the ability to stop time, and some other ones. But that was her best one. Although I was kind of bummed that if you touch someone they snap out of it. Take that however you want...- Scott
P.S. I know I already posted, but I love obscure references.
Personally, I doubt any named country will be terribly safe if Dick Cheney and pals are reelected President for four more years.
So, I think you should buy an island, as far away from any known countries as you can get (technically, I think you only have to be twelve miles off the coast, but China and perhaps some other countries make claims to more than that, and I don't think I'd reccommend arguing with them over it).
After you buy your island, you'll need to make it inhabitable. You'll probably have to go with solar/tidal power, unless you can pay the North Koreans to build you a nuclear reactor. With enough electicity, you can build a purification system to turn salt water into drinking water, and hopefully filter out the radiation as well.
As far as food goes, well, I wouldn't count on much life surviving in the ocean for very long, so you'll probably have to farm edible mushrooms in underground caves. Yummy.
Mike
Even more obscurely, did you know that Evie's father, Troy (the one in the Yaffa Block), was voiced by Burt Reynolds? And that many episodes were directed by none other than Scott Baio? Man, 80's sitcoms were the best. I may soon have to devote an entire post to the majesty that was "Small Wonder."
With the advent of "Little Wonder", this blog took a strange turn. I always wondered why they had to choose that goofy block to communicate through time and space. Hey, who am I to critique the technology of other races.
Rob my recommendation is that you travel, or course, to the country where you either understood the least, or had the potential to be entertaining with a myriad of redonklous cultural differences. This place would be France.
-josh
Win an Island! Capital One man..... you've all seen it! A nice generator, a Gelato machine, a nice beach hut and a couple of Ox, tan included with package, and your computer so you can keep this kind of stuff going. One the other hand, you may not have to move at all. Guess we will know in 12 hours.........M
You might as well move to communist China cuz that's what you are for not voting for Bush, you frickin "commie"! Go join your fellow "commie bastards"! Better yet you could go to Afghanstan, Osama's a big Kerry supporter, go figure. Takes an anti-christ to know an anti-christ. Then all of us intelligent people back here in the good ol' US of A can laugh our asses off when we bomb the shit out of you guys cuz we still have good ol' military supporting Bush in the big sea There's also France, might be right up your alley for being a yellow draft dodger, too chicken to take a stand for something.
So go ahead and vote for "Mr. Horse Face, I Have A PLAN (that's full of shit), I was an alter-boy and therefore am a true catholic except I support people who believe in abortion, Bigot Kerry" and I'll be there to wave good bye to you at the airport! =)
Hugs, Breyn =)
Jamie: If I even hear that you changed your vote to Bush JUST SO you could visit me on a topical island... you're not my sister anymore.
Kim or Daniel Pumpkin whatever: Your views are always my own.
Rene: Way to leave a signature on your post. You're just bitter about the pumpkin contest 'cause you were one of the 2 people who didn't win! HA ha!
Tim: Who the hell is Scott Baio? I mean, I had forgotten the Burt Renyolds factoid, but thanks for bring that back to light. New Zealand wouldn't be a bad bet either - I know a Kiwi from NZ!
Scott: Thanks for coming through with the "Evie." I had IM'd Lisa and let her know just before you posted, but I wanted to give others the chance to snag that reference. And props on comming through with the hobit link - I had read that same thing last week. You really need to get off the internet bud.
Mike: Why do I feel like you've already undergone some negotiations with the Koreans? If WWIII ever breaks out in full scale - you know I'm going to come knocking on your door, right?
Mom: Put that Gelatto machine on my list for Christmas.
Breyn: HA! Poor poor, confused child... :)
I agree with Breyn! Crazy stupid Kerry fans! If Kerry wins, the safest place to be is anywhere but the US! He'll kill our military, yellow coward jerk and we'll all be helpless! He's a liar with no platform other than he's not Bush! He changes his mind to best suit his current location. I totally agree with Breyn, you commies! I had a lot of respect for you Rob, but knowing your a Democrat is gonna be hard to get over!
Tabitha
Rob, your crazy commie-hating friends are freaking me out. But that's not the issue at the moment. Here's the issue:
"Who the hell is Scott Baio?"?! SCOTT BAIO?! Scott "Joanie Loves Chachi" Baio?! Scott "Charles In Charge" Baio?! Scott "The Boy Who Drank Too Much" Baio?! (Okay, that last one, being a TV movie from 1980, isn't as well-known. I love the IMDB.)
There were a lot of interrobangs in that paragraph. And there are a lot of comments on this blog. And you just started. I hate you, Rob. And so does Scott Baio.
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