Away in a manger... no... wait.

Away in a pick-up, no crib for a bed.
The little boy Timex, laid down his big head.
His Father had traded, him in for a bird.
How can this sad story, become more absurd...

And now, the dramatic conclusion of:

The Story of Tim

Dickies and Diane Bundy went home that night with their new Tweety Bird and placed him in Timex's old crib. Diane was quite fond of her new baby, this child didn't scream, nor did he mess himself. And considering Diane had to clean up Dickies all the time, she wasn't a big fan of having to clean a baby as well. So as far as we need to be concerned, the story of Dickies and Diane is over, they lived happily ever after... but Timex’s is far from it.

Tim was now raised by John Beiser, the Hook-handed Carnie Folk. Tim never had a real solid mother figure in his life... I mean, there were lots of women in John's life, and therefore quite a few women in and out of Tim's life as well. Most of them were fellow carnies and if you put them all together you were lucky to get a full set of teeth. John had taught Tim to use a video camera by the age of 6 so that he could help make the "mommy and daddy" videos. But Tim never complained, the most of the women treated him pretty well. Note this is in contrast to the beatings with the sock of Jollyranchers. He often earned this whenever he did anything wrong, did anything better than John could do it, or it was Tuesday night.

When Tim was 9 years old, something happened that would help shape the rest of his life. John had accidentally left Tim in a dumpster as the carnival was packing up and left with out little Tim. Now this wasn’t the life changing event, as a matter a of fact, this could be considered a common occurrence. No, it was when the police found Tim, it was the day of the Community Outreach Program (C.O.P.) Seeing that Tim’s dad was yet to be located the officers figured it would be alright to take the special boy to the Festivities. It was there they gave Timmy the greatest gift of all. They made him an honorary police officer. They pinned the badge to his shirt and put a hat on his head. They ended up not having any hats that would fit, so they affixed a chinstrap to one of the hats to make it stay atop Tim’s Ginormous head. Tim played basketball with the other officers, played with K-9 Unit, Played Cops n’ Robbers (he was the cop) and all sorts of good things. To top the night off he got to ride in a police car, got his picture taken as well as his finger prints and was able to stay all night in a jail cell. What our poor hero had somehow missed was that he was in fact never REALLY a cop. And the other officers weren’t “playing games” as much as he was. You see, after the basketball game, Tim decided to play cops n’ robbers. And this is where things went horribly wrong… He managed to get the gun out of an officer’s holster and in the end… had killed the Police Dog and left 5 people injured. It was a black day in the little community, but still one of the happiest in Tim’s life.

Now Tim was sent to a place where there were other children like him, and he spent the next 12 years of his life there. He made a lot of friends and grew quite fond of Mac & Cheese. He never saw his real father, or Carnie-Dad again, but lets face it, he never knew what was going on around him anyways. Which brings us to current day. Timmy is doing quite well with himself, although he never has given up his dream of being a police officer. He is currently in a “Re-Integration Program” and working at American Water. He is pretty well received amongst his co-workers, and is happy. Happiness in an “Ignorance is Bliss” Doesn’t realize that we all laugh at him and his huge noggin’ sort of Happiness, but happiness nonetheless.

The End.
Merry Christmas.